Ketchup

I don't really care for ketchup... except with fishsticks. Not so much on fries (when I eat them) or on hamburgers. Maybe on a hotdog but that only happens when we're at Wrigley field. I also don't like playing catch-up whether it be at work, things around the house or reacquainting with people - sometimes it feels like dwelling in the past and I much prefer to live in the present tense. But catching up is a necessary evil. It's a reminder of where you've been and it launches you into the next stage of the journey.

I've been reading a lot of blogs lately. Old highschool friends' blogs, strangers and their adoption stories, random cooking and fashion blogs, ACS blogs (arts, crafts and sewing) like threadbangers and thrifty mom. I feel like reading other people's posts are sort of an unobtrusive way to learn about people and things and to know that I'm not alone in life's journey, I wish my PA classmates would continue to blog - we were all so faithful in school and as our lives joined the working class of PAs our stories, experiences became obsolete in the blogging world.

Our life has been really crazy and at risk of boring people with a long sob story, I'm about to do the catch-up thing for the blog in a very candid no holds bar kind of way. Exit stage right if this sort of thing is not for you.

Fertility - yeah I have none - actually not true, I have some - with a lot of help from science. After 7 rounds of fertility treatments and two rounds of injectible medications - our fertility treatment worked and resulted in a wonderful, seemingly healthy embryo which grew beautifully for 7 weeks. Then the beauty that this much awaited pregnancy was ended in a very traumatic way. I miscarried due to lack of hormones (a problem we knew was possible all along) I had emergency surgery to more or less clean everything out. Devastating, heartbreaking, you name it - we felt it. Quite possibly the saddest I've ever felt. I know some people will scoff and roll their eyes - how sad can you be for a group of cells? But they were our cells, hope and developing kiddo. So we grieved and truth be told, sometimes we still get sad and ask all of the dreaded and never answered "why" questions. We've also questioned giving it one more go but can we handle another loss like that when we know the odds are not in our favor. And not being a candidate for surrogacy or IVF sorta limits our options.

Adoption - always been in the plan - likely sooner than later but again there are so many uncertainties. We were on the path to international adoption but the country we were planning to adopt from suddenly had some major policies change. Wait times and more uncertainty filled the air and a 2yr wait seems so painful should in fact adoptions stop altogether. The Congo is another option but possibly one of the most tumultuous areas in all of Africa - lots of uncertainties. Why not domestic? I'll spare you the nitty gritty details but let's just say this - agencies are making bank on women choosing adoption and there's something really really wrong with that in our eyes/minds/hearts. Private domestic adoption under the right circumstances is still possible but we were recently burned on that road too. Headed to KS for adoption of an abandoned infant only to have the biological mom decide to parent after 5 days and denying she was pregnant. I can only pray that child is safe in SRS custody and that the mom/family pulled themselves together for the sake of the child. On the plus side we snuck in some extra time with mom and grandma - a much needed reunion.

So on the kid front - we're holding steady not looking to move in any direction any time soon. Instead we're playing the roles of roadies traveling to see Eddie Vedder 3 different times, 3 different states in a two week period and headed to see PJ in September. We went to Chicago to see the Cubbies play and sat 2nd row behind the dugout. It's fun being able to pick up and just go - do what we please when we please and lvie it up like rockstars, at least for now. We've had some lovely time at the coast and just hanging out - although I think there's never enough of that. We've been working out - despite the recent hiatus for travel - and Shawn's really kicking butt in boxing - pun intended. And I am being crafty McCrafter in the sewing dept.

I'm sure there's more going on in our lives beside just these things - but these things seem to stand out. So until next time, we're living life, enjoying every second of the journey.

I'm ready to be done with March.

It's been a crappy month all around. I'm ready for April.
We lost our baby panda and are devistated. How do you move forward from here?

Twenty-Eleven

Another new year is upon us, my how quickly time flies.
2010 was wonderful for us and I am sure 2011 will be even more amazing. Sure, we've had some ups and downs, highs and lows but all in all, we are so very blessed.
2011 will be a little more laid back I think than the last few years and I'm going to do my darndest to learn how to just ride the wave of life, which I think I do pretty well but there's definitely room for improvement.
Some things we have to look forward to: going on a much needed vacation - a quick cruise to the Caribbean on the largest cruise ship in the world, continue settling into our new home (why can't the garage just unpack itself?), picking up a new hobby - photography: we bought two new Nikons to start with and there's no shortage of beautiful scenery in the PNW, increasing our fitness - Shawn's already way ahead here, hoping Cubs and Wrigs can learn how to catch their new frisbee and of course expanding our family one way or another. We have one fertility treatment left and in the event it doesn't turn out the way we hope (like the last one) we'll be full steam ahead in our adoption plans. Either way, EXCITING times ahead.
Wishing everyone a happy new year. PEACE LOVE and HAPPINESS.

SNOW!

First snow of the year (and possibly the last) and in our house at that. The puppies haven't seen snow in quite awhile, Cubby didn't seem to mind, Wrigley wasn't sold on the idea (plus she managed to take off her sweater). We had fun running and playing outside. Snow in the valley means snow on the mountain. Ready for snowboard season! Oh and Happy 4th anniversary to us!

Hello dirty puppy, almost forgot your coat is white

Mt. Hood from the plane

4 amazing years of marriage

SNOW

Patients at work patients at home

What a strange health week for our family of 4.
Shawn's been itchy - it didn't start with a rash but he eventually did get a rash and it resolved on its own but he's still itchy, not sure why. Then Wrigley gets sick, vomiting, diarrhea the works. Just when she gets over that hump, after bathtime we find she has an ear infection. Doggy ear infections stink, literally.  I think we caught the infection early enough and prevented her from needing super antibiotics and a trip to the vet. (I'm so glad Shawn's the ear cleaning expert, she doesn't want me anywhere near her ears). Then a rash I've had is beginning to get bigger and spreading like wild fire. It started as a singular red scaly spot then the little oval patches started to form along my sides then spread to the arms and a few on the legs. It itched, quite a bit and I was looking like a mutation, I was hoping I would still have some normal skin left. After some thoughts I knew what my rash was (much to my relief I wasn't coming down with a hybrid rash from jail) and so the 6-8 week wait begins. And then the canine conjunctivitis. Cubby's eye is so darn goopy it actually made me a little queasy trying to clean him up. A piece of mulch probably scratched his eye (they've been spending a lot of time outdoors) but I really hope it's not bacterial and Wriggy ends up with it too. Good thing we've got a paramedic and a PA in the family.

CC Shawn

The wait is finally over and it's official - Shawn is the newest night G-shift Crew Chief! So very proud of such a wonderful accomplishment. I know he has a lot to learn and faces new challenges but I know he will succeed every step of the way. He makes me so proud, all of his hard work and dedication have paid off.

Looks like we're headed to IVF, unless for some reason this cycle of meds works, since it will take awhile to dive into that journey, I've taken on some new activities: Barre3 class - mix of pilates/ballet/yoga. I forgot I had some of those muscles. Tonight I did "something bigger, something better" took a cabaret hip hop class at Vega Dance Lab. It was awesome. I forgot how much I love dancing. I'll be playing that song on my ipod for awhile.

Random note: the new Axe commercial (the one that shows two ladies washing golf balls), the little fine print at the end that states:" use gently on sensitive areas" cracks me up.

Puppy Socks

Thought I'd get the puppies some socks to help keep their paws from tracking any missed dirt after the nightly sponge bath, maybe working them into being comfortable wearing little puppy rain boots for the rainy season. Good thought but in practice, not so much. Actually, I would consider them a total fail. The socks don't really stay on like you'd think they would/should.  Ssurprisingly neither of them tried to gnaw their own paw off nor did they chew on them.  Cubs did however walk like he had 4 injured paws for the first few minutes. Just not so sure they're functional after all, who knew?

Wriggy's birthday is Thursday - she's going to be 3! (21 puppy years) [ don't tell, but she's getting a new sweater and Cubby is getting one too] not sure what to make her for treats just yet but they will be good - only the best for my little piggy.

No go on the precepting spot for Shawn, but that's ok, there are bigger and better things awaiting him.

So moral of the story - puppies really don't need socks.