Long Road Ahead

It's been one week, and although it moved along pretty quickly, I am realizing I have a long way to go and at this point I am not even sure it's worth it - the time away from my husband, the expenses, the strain this has put on everyone, including me. It's not just being homesick, but my whole way of life has been upset for the last 18months and for another 9months yet. The way I eat, sleep, play, the whole nine yards. I keep thinking it will get easier and better, but truth be told it's not. I am also realizing why I love the NW so much. It's so different from what I grew up with and Shawn and I have adapted quite nicely to way we live together and away from the Midwest but this whole experience has just upset the basket of apples. I'm not a big fan of change once I find a rhythm for something I like to stick with it. I realize being here for just a week, that won't be the case. I guess I just needed to vent. I am ready for this journey to end. The problem is, Shawn and I don't have a normal routine. Since we started dating I have been in school, and although I worked too we've moved so much that we haven't had any "us" time in a really long time, we don't even have our apartment unpacked from our last move. Once I graduate it'll be time to work (a lot to pay off those stupid loans) and we'll both be working lots to buy a house and another car and pay off my loans oh and kids (which were the first priority when we got married suddenly seem to be on the back burner) - I swear it's never ending. When is it time for us to just sit down and breath, enjoy each other, enjoy the rest of the world? There just isn't enough time for us to do everything and unfortunately it seems that the one thing being sacrificed right now is us and honestly, that doesn't work for me. And as I sit here, staring at my pile of papers to add to Typhon I see it's going to be a long road ahead.

Zumba

These week went by pretty quick. Tomorrow's Friday!
Today I finally saw patients by myself - sort of. I saw a patient got the scoop (met mostly with - uh is the Dr. not in today because I can reschedule by the patients) then he went in to see the patient. i was right on track what I was telling patient - he repeated nearly everything I told the patients, so I am well on my way I think. I don't know how many times I overheard a patient ask the nurse rooming the patients "I don't know why someone would ever become one of those PAs or NPs and not go to medical school" usually followed by1. "they must be lazy" 2. "they must not be smart enough to go to med school" and 3. "why see a PA when I can see the doc?"
Sigh....
I saw everything from Well Child Checks (made a new mom cry when I said her kid looked like a million bucks) to HTN checks to a guy with a unidentifiable rash (even to the derm doc). It was a long day but a good day - complete with a drug rep lunch who spent 2 minutes talking the whole time saying "here are my drugs, take note pads, we won't have those come January. Want seconds? thirds? boxes for dinner tonight?" We had a catered Mexican lunch - it was awesome!
Dictating two of my patients not so awesome. He told me to just do two today, and see how I do and if I feel comfortable I can do more tomorrow.
Tonight I went to din with grams (although seriously not hungry after lunch) I had to eat light so I wouldn't be full for my group exercise class. I am not a huge fan of group classes - especially the choreographed ones: "Here we go! And 5-6-7-8, work it out ladies.... feel the burn" and so on. I get embarrassed, I feel like everyone is watching me look like complete retard in my uncoordinated long limb fashion. I took a class called Zumba. The commercials look cooler than it was - our instructor didn't speak the entire time - unless it was in Spanish. 85-90% of the class were overweight Latina women - including the instructor. The remaining 10-15% stuck out like a sore thumb...but it was still fun. I salsa'd and mambo'd my way to thinner thighs and sculpted abs. I may have to try another class in addition to this one and my cardio and weight lifting time - I am going to be exhausted. Maybe this will help me sleep.
I'm ready for Friday.

So sleepy

Holy cow, I feel so tired you would think I had been up for days on end. I can hardly keep my eyes open when I'm not moving. Thank goodness it's a half day (well actually I some how managed to escape going to the nursing home today - I had to do some things for grandma and check on her - I couldn't wake her from her snoring slumber this morning - she must be tired too). I hated to pull the grandma card so early and skip out on a great opportunity, but I did, end of story. I have to catch up on Typhon and sleep. I don't know how my husband stays awake after working 24hrs, 12 off, 24hrs and 12 off and now 12 on and in between the last shifts he had to drive back to Hillsboro, pick up the pups and get them bathed, get himself bathed eat andd find time to sleep. Bless his little heart for doing such a great job! He's my hero!

This morning was a CME meeting via teleconference by a Croatian pediatric hematologist/oncologist out of KU med who wasted 38 of the 60minutes trying to figure out why we couldn't see her screen - my doc was actually counting and making snide comments pretty regularly, I tried not to laugh out loud - but it kept my eyes open and he had us leave about 20 minutes early when the ophthalmologist started asking pointless questions.

And if you're in the area - you should check out "Guys on Ice" from the looks of it - it's not for the manly man. (A musical with men, only men singing about wearing snowsuits and other snowy things - riveting I'm sure - I'll let you know how it goes, sounds like I will have front row tix thanks to grams)

Lunch ime - yesss!

Slow Start

i think I am still catching up form my last rotation - actually I know I am, I feel like I am dragging, in fact I think it's showing too. I didn't know what to expect day 1. Everyone seems to know my grandma (and I am sure if I wasn't her granddaughter they'd all give me her opinion about her). Expectations were sort of explained to me, but there are still lots of questions I have about what to expect. These week is getting to know the ropes, where things are and get an idea about the schedule (which changes everyday). Tomorrow rounds at 7am, CME meeting at 7:30, clinic at 8, Kiwanis at 12-1 and then off to the nursing home in an even smaller town to see a few patients, we may even have a housecall. We do lots of neat things in the clinic (like our own treadmill this am and I will get to help deliver a baby in the next week)- I am hoping I will snap out of my funk and be able to take it all in - there is still no way of knowing when I will get to be on my own - I think he thinks I don't know anything. He tells me what EVERY drug is, even the obvious ones. I am the 1st PA student he's ever had, but are the NP students he's had really that dense? He wants to try giving me one type of patient at a time, one week all the HTN, then DM then sore throats and cough etc and I will be dictating my little (well big right now) butt off.

A long story short about the the "scandal" going on in the town right now: the current hospital (which is three circles smooshed together) is run by the Dominican Sisters. Nothing against the Catholics but lets face it, in some areas they aren't willing to be progressive (if that's really the correct word) on some issues and dealings. There are other issues too but it anyways... So some of the docs in town, including my preceptor, decided hey, we opened a surgical center across town a few years ago, so why not just make it into another hospital - on our own. (scary doom music enters) And so they did, well have started too. Today's clinic was interrupted from 11-1 when we were suppose to go to the building site , the docs were going to sign the last beam to go up on the building frame have a BBQ and enjoy the company of one another - sounds like fun! And I am sure it would have been had it not been 30 degrees outside, overcast and blowing wind since it was outside in a temporary circus -like tent not tied down and without heat. Thank goodness I grabbed my coat, hat and scarf.

And by the way my grandmother just yelled "dicks" as in Ft. Dix for her crossword puzzle she's doing right now. I've never heard her shout answers out before, this could become very entertaining. Off to catch up on Typhon and more homework. I worked out tonight, it felt great not to workout but to burn off some stress, homesickness and any other pent up things. Oh and 1 week to our 2year anniversary.

Kansas

I made it, finally, to Great Bend, KS. What? Never heard of it? It's in central KS, it's home to one of the greatest moving Christmas light decorations in the country (well at least it's on the circuit and hey it's a small town). I've never actually lived here, but my grandma does and my KS drivers license says it's my permanent address and it will be home until February 13. My mom lives here on the weekends too, so basically 3 generations of stubborn, hardheaded and strong women living in a small house that isn't much bigger than our apartment in WA with as much stuff to fill the whole street of houses. I can't complain, a lot of my stuff (like form my wedding) is here too so some of the boxes lining the single hallway belong to me. My grandma's house has a lot of great memories for me, the smell makes me nostalgic (not to be confused with nausea). I played catch with my grandpa with his old baseball glove in the front yard, I've baked with my grandma in the kitchen, here is where I learned to sew and crochet and many holiday meals eaten in the cozy dining room. There are pictures crammed onto every possible surface, my grandma is so proud of her 3 grandkids (although I swear I am her favorite - if grandmas could truly have favorites). I am so grateful to have the next 3 months here with my grandma even though I know there will be some tough days ahead and some living adjustments to be made for sure not to mention that my preceptor is her doctor and just about everyone else in the town's doctor too.

Yesterday I flew into the KC airport which is about 5-6 hours away. My mom picked me up took me to have a steak dinner and then took me shopping to get a couple more sweaters to endure the cold here that I really don't miss in the NW. We stayed a motel we stayed at when I was younger and we were fleeing home for safety. I did homework (although no Typhon yet - maybe tomorrow we can start that.) It was weird to be in my hometown even if it was for 24hrs. Everything has changed - I thought it was a large suburb before, now it's so much bigger. I didn't recognize half of the new buildings. We went to church at Shawn and my (and my mom's) home church. I wish I could transplant it to the NW. Shawn and I use to drive 3 hrs form Omaha to go on Sundays just to drive another 3hours back after closing benediction. Our pastor married us in Omaha - she drove up and back just for us - it wouldn't have been the same without her. After church we swung by Costco and picked up a couple essentials then hit the road.

I'm glad to be here with grandma - but it's not home. I miss my Shawnee and I miss the little ones. I miss my bed and the smell of our apartment. I miss the weather and my snuggle time - there is nothing that can replace snuggle time, not even my miniature hippo dowsed in cologne. Shawn is visiting his parents over Turkey day, I really hopes he can swing down 8hrs away and see his wifey, that would be amazing.

I'm ready for tomorrow, don't know what to expect but I am ready to start this rotation, 6weeks at a time. Good Night Zuppie, I love you.

Sad day

I am packing to be gone for 5months, how do you fit everything into 2 suitcases? We found out this morning Wrigley has cancer - we'll know more in December. Yeah, I'm really motivated to start the next rotations.

6 days, 7 nights

I'm leaving on Sat for KS. I am very very very sad already, but trying desparately not to let it taint the week. I get cranky when I anticipate sad/bad things. I am squeezing in all the snuggle time I can with the pups and most importantly with Shawn. I can't believe this rotation is almost over already.

We saw SAW V yesterday, not nearly as good as III or IV but filled in some gaps which was nice, I am ready for the finale - SAW VI - next year. We ate dinner at the Crate House up on Terwilliger. It was good, you pay for the view but a lovely birthday dinner and topped off with Sheridan's - yum.

Shawn and I sent our ballots in - Washington and KS respectively. I'm pretty sure mine won't make it to KS in time, but then again most the people in that part of the state run unopposed and it's a clearly red state - I doubt my ballot would have been a swing vote for any instance, but at least I feel like I did my patriotic duty and voted.